I fall into the category of Women that love cross dressers.
(This article is about my own thoughts and feelings about cross-dressing men-CDs. I am not suggesting that anyone else does or should feel the same way, nor am I suggesting that the CDs that I know and love are representative of all CDs.)
I am a genetic girl and I love men who are cross-dressers.
I have been dabbling in the world of cross-dressing men for some years now and have taken a journey that went from “this is unusual, not sure how I feel about it” through “yeah this is fun” all way to “I just can’t imagine my life without them and I want lots of them, individually and all at once”. Now I actively seek them out.
I love being with them, chatting to them, hanging out with them and having them as friends and sexual partners. I love picking out clothes, working on outfits, doing their makeup and hair and making them as stunning as possible.
This makes me a rarity on this planet. However because of my relationships with cross-dressing men over the years, I have come to understand the great sadness that many carry with them. They have lamented to me – “I hate being secretive and hiding this from my wife but she would never understand.” “She would leave me if she knew.” “I long for a woman who could embrace all of me, not just my masculine side.”
Many male cross-dressers’ sexual preference is for women. Sometimes they like the attention of men and like to play with men to affirm their feminine side, but essentially they are heterosexual. However finding a woman who embraces it is rare. Finding a woman who embraces it and will also cope with her special CD getting dressed up and playing with other men is even rarer. And for this there is no easy answer.
Of course for some CDs who are in relationships with women it is enough to dress at home or dress and go out to a venue that caters for them and socialise with others, with or without their wives; and there are plenty of options in large cities.
Why do some men want to cross-dress? Every CD would probably give you a different answer. One told me that he wanted to dress up in girl’s clothes from childhood, yet he knew he was not gay. “Grandma had a cupboard full of dress-ups for the kids and I always wanted to wear the frilliest girl’s things.” Others come to it much later. One guy told me that for years he bought his wife lingerie that she never wore. After their marriage dissolved and he was cleaning out the last of the things she left behind he found some fishnet stockings. Something made him open the packet and put them on, and thus began a life of cross-dressing. He was 45 at the time and had never entertained any thoughts of cross-dressing or playing with men.
What I am often told is that it started in their teens when hormones are raging and it became a part of the experimentation of youth that carried on through life.
My personal observation is that in many cases it is a very small leap from enjoying lingerie on women to enjoying lingerie on oneself. And I think this cuts to the core of the reason that many women struggle with their men cross-dressing.
On some deep level many women (and I’m not one of them) enjoy that feeling that he is the big, strong man who will protect her. It may not be evident in their busy day-to-day relationship of general equality, but it is still there; a primitive ‘hard-wiring’ of the brain from our hunter/gatherer past. (If you struggle with that try thinking of it the other way around – that it is a woman’s job to provide for the household and protect her man. It doesn’t quite sit the same, does it?)
Men provide and protect, and in spite of thousands of years of evolution we still live in a society that tells us how men and women should dress and behave. So when a man removes his mantle of masculinity and takes on the appearance of a woman, even for a little while, it’s like he has duped her…like he has somehow broken his unwritten, primitive promise to be the man, the protector. And she feels it deep in her psyche in ways she can’t even put into words. She just knows it doesn’t feel right.
But for a man it is completely different. Deep in his psyche he is motivated by sexual desire to ensure the survival of the species. Thousands of years of evolution have tempered his desire to club her over the head and drag her off to his cave, but his response is still sexual; so much so that sometimes he has no control over his body’s arousal reaction. He loves her softness, her femininity, her vulnerability. He loves the way her body looks and feels in lingerie. There are few things more powerful than sexual attraction and I believe it is a small leap for some men, from loving all those things about her and finding them arousing to embracing them for oneself and feeling that arousal.
I realise my views might be controversial, and they certainly don’t apply to all women, men and cross dressers, but I am sure they apply to more than a few.
What I am certain of is that we all have public lives, private lives and secret lives and how can I know about my own secret life and stand in judgement of yours? Provided that we are talking about consenting adults who are not breaking the law or hurting anyone, we need to be more accepting of other people’s rights to be who they are.
As for me and what I love about them. I am a bisexual woman with a strong preference for men. Maybe it’s about having the best of both worlds wrapped up the one package…but I’m sure that is fodder for another article.