One of my regular partners and I had been seeking an appropriate ‘other’ to join us for occasional play sessions. Over some months we had ‘interviewed’ several potentials but no one was quite right. Yes, we each had a couple of non-negotiables – no facial hair, non-smoker, not too skinny, a nice person, able to maintain an erection – but we just didn’t think it should be so hard – no pun intended – to find our Mr Right out there.
After yet another failed ‘interview’ I lamented, “How can it be so hard to find someone who we both like, who likes both of us and who smells right!” My friend laughed; but that really is a deal-breaker for me – they have to smell right!
But what exactly is ‘right’?
Yes, there are certainly aftershaves that do it for me, like Aramis! A man wearing Aramis around me is at risk, no doubt, but what about when the Aramis is washed away; when he comes in from work with a mild body odour. I want my reaction to be “God, you smell good” rather than “you stink, go take a shower!” When he climbs into bed with me I want his smell to make me want to run my tongue up his spine, nuzzle into the back of his neck and drink in his odour; a smell that makes me want to devour him.
I once dated a guy whose shirts that he had worn for a day I would seek out and bury my face in. Their slightly pungent odour was like drug to me – erotic, comforting, calming, arousing, deliciously primal – all at the same time. Sometimes I would sleep with them.
Fortunately over recent years there has been a lot of research done on this very topic. At least enough to prove that I am not crazy and certainly not alone! It’s pure biology.
Pheromones. That’s what we are talking about here: those chemicals that are released from our bodies in an effort to elicit a response from the same species. Pheromones are released by every living species from animals, to insects, to plants, and even bacteria. Some studies suggest that we are attracted to pheromones that are the most different from our own so that our offspring have greater genetic diversity – hybrid vigour – and are therefore more robust. In the same way we are rarely attracted to a brother or sister whose genetic material is most similar to our own.
So, the next time you are getting up close and personal with someone think about what it is that is really attracting you. Even if it is not a conscious thing, you are probably responding to their pheromones.